Non-aspirational birthday cards

Last birthday, I received a card featuring Rey in 2015’s Star Wars instalment The Force Awakens, wielding her light saber (instructions here) and announcing “You’re a force for good“. Nice, positive, aspirational sentiment. There were further hints that my birthday would be celebrated throughout the entire galaxy, which was also comforting.

When I look back at cards I’ve received in the past, the messages weren’t quite so empowering.

I could so some light embroidery (while wearing false eyelashes).


Train a dove to jump through a small gold hoop (clad only in a negligee).


Or don a fetching Victorian outfit and pedal off to the florist on my bicycle.


Birthday girls. We’ve come a long way since the 1970s, even if the palette remains remorselessly pink.


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